How to Relate to People on the “Other” Side

The Merriam-Webster 2024 Word of the Year was “Polarization.” Research shows our country, communities, and even families are more polarized and disconnected than ever before. Our political and social divisions are at a 20-year high, and people are less likely to compromise or seek common ground — even choosing where to live, whom to marry, and whom to befriend — based on their existing beliefs. Our world is divided, and this is seeping into our workplaces and impacting long-standing relationships (don’t even get me started on the people who thought White Lotus Season 3 measured up).

So, what can we do to rise above this polarization? How do we connect—and relate effectively—to people on the other side?

The Three Faulty Assumptions Blocking Connection

Let’s start at the root of the problem. When we encounter people with different biases or viewpoints, we often make three faulty assumptions:

1. They are less informed (or less intelligent) than we are.
2. They care less about the situation than we do.
3. They are not as “good” (morally or ethically) as we are.

For example, if you lean to the political right, you might assume those on the left don’t really know what it takes to have a thriving economy and don’t really care about long-standing traditions and values you hold dear. Alternatively, if you lean left, you might assume those on the right don’t really understand the need for things like equity or environmentalism; are opposed to progress; and lack true compassion. The specifics change, but the underlying assumptions are the same.

I refer to this as lazy thinking because although it’s easy and comfortable, it’s not healthy or productive. These faulty assumptions block empathy and make genuine connection nearly impossible.

A New Way of Thinking

What if, instead, you assumed:

1. People on the other side have real wisdom to share about the situation or issue.
2. They care as much (or more) about things as you do.
3. They are every bit as “good” of a person as you are.

Let’s Put it Into Action:

STEP 1: Name and Notice

• Identify someone “on the other side” in your life. Someone who can really push your buttons whether it’s regarding politics, social issues, or their views on a workplace change. What is it about their viewpoints that is resulting in division and polarization? Be specific.

STEP 2: Seek Their Wisdom

• Instead of assuming they’re less informed, ask: What might they know or see about the situation that I don’t? What insight or perspective could they potentially offer where I have blindspots? Remember, you don’t have to agree with a person to learn from them.

STEP 3: Validate Their Care

• Rather than assuming they care less, look for evidence of their passion or concern. What motivates them? What do they fear? How might their life experiences shape their views?

STEP 4: Affirm Their Goodness

• Challenge yourself to notice examples of their integrity, kindness, or commitment. How are they a “good” person—even if their values differ from yours? If the polarization and division is so wide and this step is hard for you, try imagining them as a happy, hopeful child. That always works for me!

STEP 5:  Connect in Real Life

• Empathy often grows in proportion to the amount of “peacetime” we spend with people. Meet for coffee, participate in an event together, or simply spend time together in a relaxed setting. Research shows that meaningful, face-to-face interactions can break down prejudice and foster understanding—even if you never fully agree. 

In a world where polarization is eroding our ability to relate—even at the boardroom and dining room table—leaders who can hold their views while connecting across divides are more essential than ever. By challenging your assumptions, seeking understanding, and investing in real relationships, you model the rare and vital skill of bridging differences. The world needs more leaders like you.